Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Mr. Lover Boy

        
  “Am sorry I poured hot coffee on you. Did you make it to work on time? Are you still hurting? How can I make up for my carelessness? Have you seen a doctor?”  This is just a third of the questions I asked Mr. Lover boy. Some hours earlier we were total strangers and this is what went down in a flash.
            It was one fine Monday morning; I was late for work that I couldn’t prepare a simple breakfast for myself. So I had to rush down the street to grab coffee. In a rush, I ordered my take out. I reached out for my purse to pay for the coffee but before I could do that, a stunning strong man appeared from the blues.


He was in an expensive designer suit and black sharp shooters that announced his arrival. He looked all mature and successful but his eyes betrayed him. Deep inside his puppy eyes, a tear stain was so pronounced. A stain that said, “Am the world’s superman but I have no one special to look after.” I could hear his heart pump rhythmically in loud blasts, “I am fragile too, I need someone to pamper me!” 


I was caught up in all these imaginations that I didn’t realize whatever was going on around me. Just before I could finish this beautiful beach wedding with him, the cashier tapped me. In confusion I shouted “I do”. In this confusion, I spilled coffee on Mr. Lover boy’s arm. I came back to my senses. What have I done? I had to act out very fast. I took my scarf and used it to dry off the coffee spills. 



Luckily I had I had petroleum jelly with me. I handed it over to him to apply on the burnt arm. I wish I I wished to stay longer but this moment was short-lived, I had to rush to the office. I gave him my business card so that he can call me and give me a heads up on the treatment process.
I couldn't settle down at work. I was filled with anxiety waiting for his call, of which he called later. I had dozens of questions to ask him about the burn. Days later we went out for coffee and as they say the rest is history.


Months later the prince charming in him left. That is why I wish I could say this earlier:

When I said I want to be your girlfriend,

 

I meant it,

 

It was only YES to you,

 

But to me it was a commitment,

 

 A commitment to stick by your side at all times,

 

A commitment to fight for you and make it happen for us.

 

A YES that said,

 

I trust you, I feel safe with you, you are my hero.

 

Midnight calls that I picked meant you are “My priority”

 

It’s not that I was awake, I was in the middle of my third dream,

 

The gifts I bought you ain’t a sign of financial stability,

 

But were a way of saying," I can’t quantify who you are to me,"

 

Saying Am sorry and overlooking our fights didn’t mean I was desperate,

 

 I was trying to prove to you our relationship is much more important.

 

My frequent questions didn’t mean, “I don’t trust you,”

 

It was a way of seeking clarity and knowing you more,

 

 

I didn’t realize I was acting like your mum,

 

 Because all I wanted was to give you utmost care,

 

I was like a young maiden,

 

Who all she wanted was to see her master smile,

 

I forget about MY FUTURE,

 

All I thought of was OUR future because I believed in it,

 

Maybe I loved too much,

 

Maybe I cared so much,

 

Maybe I sacrificed way too far,

 

And believed so fast,

 

Unfortunately, this is how I love.

 

 

Infatuation fades away,attraction isn't love. Love is like a seed that has to be given time to germinate and later grow into the biggest and strongest plant. one that can stand all tests of time-be it the wind,drought or hurricanes.


Tuesday, 14 March 2017

THE PROGRAMED GENERATION.

      

              Growing up we were given a list of do's and dont's. We were told who we should be in life by our parents,relatives,preachers,friends and people in authority. We have been coded and programed to think and act in a certain way.Am not saying this is bad,but i think we could be better people if we were left to understand what life is really about.I thank my parents for reminding me countless times that all decisions have consequences,this has really helped me. I understood every action I did had a prize attached to it so it was upon me to decide if I was able to bear the prize.
             When you tell someone this is bad or good,they will only the fact that it's good or bad without any reasons. This means it can still be changed upside down. At some point in life we will have to stay away from our kids or siblings,this is the time they have minimal supervision and the world will remind them constantly how much they have been missing. Behind your back they will do that which you labeled bad because first,you are not around second,because they are full of curiosity and want to see what it feels like doing the wrong thing after all it's not their idea of wrong,its yours.
    
               "I want you to be a doctor and doctors get A's",this is what we tell our kids every day. We never care to ask them what it is they really want in life.Incase they don't pass exams, all we do is scold them and compare them to so and so. Its not the right thing to do,all we need as kids is being given a chance to explain why we got those grades without victimization. Talk to her teacher to know her capabilities and understand your kid. Some kids are very good in dance lessons but poor in maths. Acknowledge her as a good dancer first then make her understand the importance of education too because she may not dance forever ,their is a point in life where won't be able to dance. 

      The pressure on our kids is what has made exam cheating very rampant. The parents force teachers to make all students pass at the same time threaten their kids to be top just to maintain their status quo in the society. We can never have everyone being the best student. The rule of nature is diversity and diversity allows us to have different abilities so as to have a self sustaining community.
model: +Zipporah Njenga 

       With the kind of food our kids eat nowadays and the kind of exposure they have makes them mature so fast unlike years back. For instance my kid brother,he is a computer wizard,he is too inquisitive and too smart for his age. Such a kid can't be treated the way I was treated when i was his age. This is not the era parents used to lie to kids that children are bought because they will ask you question after question to justify your argument. It's time we sat down with our kids as early as possible and openly talked to them. Use the right information in a creative way to talk to them. Do this as early as possible before the world out there feeds them a whole a new package of reality. Give them the Armour of parental advise before the world starts fighting  them through the Internet,social networks,TV programs and friends.

   As parents we have made mistakes that  we dread our kids to repeat,we had dreams that we didn't fulfill and would wish our kids to live our dreams. This isn't wrong,but lets remember our kids aren't us,they will never be a better version of us but the best version of themselves. Let them dream their own dream and let's step in to help them achieve their dreams. It is so bad to meet a drunk and irresponsible engineer who is bitter about life claiming it's not what he wanted,it was the parents dream. Let us be kite holders but our children be the kites so that they can fly to whatever direction they want to as we hold on so tight so that they are not swept away by the wind.

     Don't allow them to live like robots,let be flexible,be dynamic,be creative and innovative.  

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

SINGLEHOOD

                                              SINGLE-HOOD
        According to the English dictionary, Single means lone, sole, unbroken, undivided, and uniform. To my understanding single-hood is the period where you give yourself space, it’s that moment when you are tired of relationship dramas and all you want is time alone.
  This is the time we get to understand ourselves, accept ourselves and grow into the woman or man we wished to be. When I had to make the decision of being single, voices deep down me kept tormenting me with repeated questions- "Are you sure about this?"  He loves you, why don't you give it a try?", "Will you survive college life without a boyfriend?” I couldn't answer these questions satisfactorily hence becoming hesitant about my decision. The devil is so cunning; this is time he sent temptations in full packages. I started seeing handsome guys I had never seen before, connecting easily with them, getting too attached and meeting people who I clicked with. This made it hard for me to focus on being single.
   I thank God for He opened my eyes, gave me patience and a reason to be single. He reminded me of a great and beautiful marriage life ahead; despite its greatness it needed great preparations. To have lustrous gold, I had so much to do in preparation. I had to cleanup myself, put everything in order before God could position me to meet the love of my life. I could say to myself, ‘you have made so many decisions in your life, chosen men basing on their character, personality, cuteness, charming nature, success, profession and so forth but still the relationship didn't work out. Aren't tired of losing when you know the solution? Stop juggling and let God make this one choice in your life.' After the pep talk, I felt convinced and ready to start the journey of single-hood and on this journey I have learnt so much. I will share the following benefits of being single. 

1. You become closer to God. I learnt how to fellowship with God. I became more open with him in the sense that I could tell him what I felt and what I wanted. Though God never answered me one on one I could feel comforted after talking to him and for sure he gave me a way out. I made this a habit up to now I still talk to him when I need audience.
2. Self-growth. This is the time I understood myself better. I learnt to make personal decisions, knew what I wanted and loved. As I was running away from loneliness I kept myself busy trying new things or being better at what I used to do. I started reading books, watching movies, attending conferences, nature walks, taking up leadership roles, starting a blog etc. All these made me learn new skills, meet new people and grew into a different amazing person. My personality and perspective changed, I became more positive and I valued everything in life.
3. Increases and strengthens your circle. My mind opened up from an intimacy perspective to friendship. I became more close to my family and friends than before. We went for hangouts with my friends more often and focused on what is going on in their lives unlike before where we would only talk about our relationships. I got to know my friends better.
4. Saves your time. You get a lot of time at your disposal. That time you used to spend texting, making calls and going out is now all yours. You can put it into good use for self-development.
5. You become successful. As you escape the reality of loneliness and pain you keep yourself busy with useful things. This is the time you attend music classes, read books, volunteer, spend more time at work and learn new hobbies etc. all these turn you into an all-round successful person.
6. You save your money. When you are in a relationship, all you think about is how to make your partner happy. We call each other up all the time, share voice notes, video calls, buying gifts for each other and going on dates. In single-hood you don’t do these anymore, so at the end you save so much.
7. Own time manager. This is the most exciting part of single-hood I enjoy. I don’t have to plan my day against someone else’s plan. I do what I want at any time for as long as possible. Unlike before where I had to sacrifice doing something just to pay attention to my relationship. You don’t have someone to tell you, “let’s do this at 4pm,”can we have a talk?” you no longer suspend whatever you are doing to attend to your partner.
8. You become more independent.  You have the space to do whatever you want in whichever way you wish. You no longer need someone to validate you or tell you how things should be done. You treat yourself out anytime because you are not expecting someone to do it or accompany you.
9. You enjoy solitude. This is the time when you can switch off your phone a whole week and not worry. You get the chance to be alone and make decisions with no external influence.  You get time to cry all day for no reason at all and at the end of it don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
10. You make it your responsibility to be happy. You don’t rely on anyone to make you happy, you take it upon yourself and do what you want to do, go to places you love, and meet people you would like.
11. You make sober decisions. Single-hood allows you to mingle with people of all calibers with no strings attached; you get to know them better. This helps you make informed relationship decisions because you meet new, exciting, intelligent and charming people until you get spoilt for choices. So all you need is that outstanding person, which takes a lot to single the person out.
                    
Being single is the greatest thing that happened to me. It gives you a whole new perspective of what life is all about. It challenges you when you thought you are all grownup and mature. In spite of all these single-hood is the most difficult time of one’s life. You need a solid reason that reminds you to push harder when you feel you can’t help it anymore. Become the person you want to find.
This rose is a special gift to all singles out there,even though you were told HAPPY INDEPENDENCE on valentine's day.



Tuesday, 6 December 2016

A Million Thoughts: A FLOWER

A Million Thoughts: A FLOWER: A FLOWER. Your petals shine so bright, Your fragrance covers the atmosphere, With a sensational scent, You are a center of great a...

A FLOWER



A FLOWER.

Your petals shine so bright,
Your fragrance covers the atmosphere,
With a sensational scent,
You are a center of great aura,
I would wish to be part of this beauty.

When your petals blossom each time,
They trigger a beautiful smile on my face,
It’s like a secret coo to my heart,
Asking me to be happy all through,
The sweet voice reminding me
That I don’t need a reason to be happy
But just be happy.

I envy you beautiful flower,
Despite the harsh environment,   
You still bloom to make us happy,
The hot scorching sun,
The heavy down pour,
You still surpass all this and flourish,
I want to be just like you,
And blossom each day.

You are so distinct Flower,
So unique to behold,
You replicate each other distinctively,
The process is so unique,
Alas! Before you realize it,
A new bud sprouts out, then a lovely flower.
What goes on during pollination?
This process compels me to find the magic
To sneak into the pollen tube,
And steal a glance of what goes on.


Give me the chance,
The space to express myself,
I want to say it in my own words:
The moment I saw your petals,
I lost all beautiful words to describe you,
Your outstanding colour caught my eyes,
In awe i stood,
Enticed in your scent,
Swept off my feet with the strength you beheld,
I want to come closer to you,
To hold you close,
But am afraid you will wither,
And I will never see you sprout once again.

A flower is love,
Give me a red, blue, white,
Purple flower,
Give me a bunch of beautiful various colours,
And don’t say a word,
Its beauty speaks a lot.
When am down, it will raise my spirits,
When am frustrated it pulls me back together,
When you are away, it gives me hope to see you again,
Love me with a flower,
Love me like a flower.
At times we try so hard to explain the beauty of something or find a suitable word to describe it but we fail to get it. Sometimes we become so blind that we can't see it's beauty completly but this is because of the riddle life throws upon us. Appreciating what nature offers is one of the greatest steps to us living a happy and contended life. If you can't appreciate the way things are,you will spend most of your time trying to so hard to change everything. We are not capable of fixing everything in life-  the same case of a mechanic who is able to fix your car perfectly but on the other hand can't be able to fix your clogged pipe. 
  At times we want to grab everything that we value into our hands without evaluating if its really necessary. Just like flowers bloom beautifully in our gardens ,its not the same way they will once you pluck them and carry them in your hands-they will dry up .somethings are better left out there so that they can continue reflecting light into our lives.





Friday, 11 November 2016

AUTHENTIC SELF



  AUTHENTIC SELF.
Tell me my name,
Tell me who I am,
Because I want to know that real me,
Not the Me I show the world,
That true me that never alters.


Who am I?
Who am I when the curtains close?
That me behind the scenes?
Who am I when I wash away my makeup?
Who am I when the world shatters,
When everything crumbles,
And when the world gives me a standing ovation?


Am a daughter,am a son,
A sister,A brother,
A wife,A husband,
A grandparent,and A leader.
I have to be all these,
Making me elastic,
Thus vulnerable to changes at any given time,
Suppressing who I really am,
I no longer know myself!


Mum and Dad got a future laid out for me,
My siblings pictured a doctor in the family whose me,
Relatives have laid out a business succession plan that I should follow,
My teacher has seen a social worker in me,
My friends would wish us to purse same dream,
But my heart yearns for space to learn what I can do best.
Which me should I be?


My heart,my soul,my mind,
Tell me who I am!
The authentic me,
Not the me I show the world,
Or the Me the world expects me to be,
But the Me that am comfortable with,
That me that I can show the whole world proudly,
The Me with a unique code.


            In life we are caught up trying to be who people want us to be-we have become puppets dangling at the slightest move given by the instructor. we have forgotten who we are in the name of maintaining relationships. we have given  a big show off to world just because of maintaining our status quo,we have taken some career paths for the sake of huge paychecks,we have pretended to help the destitute just to be on the covers of newspapers,we have pretended to care because their is something in for us at the end of it all and so much on.
      lets not the world kill who we are for the sake of a mere showoff. Today the world gives you a standing ovation and tomorrow it forgets about your efforts. strive to find the true you. That you you will be proud of and celebrate when the world no longer needs,when the sun goes,when curtain close and camera rolls are cut.
  BE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF!!!


Saturday, 29 October 2016

THE BEAUTY OF THE MOON



      THE BEAUTY OF THE MOON

She is so beautiful,
Calmness is her nature,
She shines with great radiance,
Covering the sky with wonderful light,
Though cold, her smile is warm,

I want to look at you over and over again,
I stare deep into you,
All I see is a happy universe,
A universe full of peace,
You leave a great sensation in me,
A sensation to wake up everyone
Just to see you glow.
She reminds me of peace,love and calmness,
I want to lay forever in a green bed,
Just to watch you move across the sky,
As you dim out and disappear in the clouds.

Moon,coo sweets words in my ears,
Let your breeze embrace me with so much comfort,
As your beauty sweeps me off my solitude,
Blind me with these stolen moments,
A prisoner I will be in your storm of love,
As long as you will always be here with me.

Come out today,
I want to tell you how my day was,
I want to share my feelings with you;
'I was successful today,
But I didn't do this right,'
I want to be part of you because you never judge me,
All you do is give me an ear and give me space to judge myself.

I hope one day you will never dim out,
You will be there with me through out the night,
Because I want to share my stories with you,
I want to enjoy your silent company,
I want to view the whole world
Through your beautiful eyes.
Beautiful moon,please come out everyday.

      when I was young, my brother and I could walk miles from home just to prove if the moon shone everywhere. We could stop at some path which was well lawned just next to my grandmother's gate and lay there. We could watch the sky and tell each other stories,looking at the stars we tried drawing patterns and wrote words with them.Sadly the moon could start dimming out and we could sing some rhymes in the name of persuasion so that it stays bright forever. This moments taught me the beauty of the moon that compels me to look in the sky everynight.



      THE BEAUTY OF THE MOON

She is so beautiful,
Calmness is her nature,
She shines with great radiance,
Covering the sky with wonderful light,
Though cold, her smile is warm,

I want to look at you over and over again,
I stare deep into you,
All I see is a happy universe,
A universe full of peace,
You leave a great sensation in me,
A sensation to wake up everyone
Just to see you glow.
She reminds me of peace,love and calmness,
I want to lay forever in a green bed,
Just to watch you move across the sky,
As you dim out and disappear in the clouds.

Moon,coo sweets words in my ears,
Let your breeze embrace me with so much comfort,
As your beauty sweeps me off my solitude,
Blind me with these stolen moments,
A prisoner I will be in your storm of love,
As long as you will always be here with me.

Come out today,
I want to tell you how my day was,
I want to share my feelings with you;
'I was successful today,
But I didn't do this right,'
I want to be part of you because you never judge me,
All you do is give me an ear and give me space to judge myself.

I hope one day you will never dim out,
You will be there with me through out the night,
Because I want to share my stories with you,
I want to enjoy your silent company,
I want to view the whole world
Through your beautiful eyes.
Beautiful moon,please come out everyday.

      when I was young, my brother and I could walk miles from home just to prove if the moon shone everywhere. We could stop at some path which was well lawned just next to my grandmother's gate and lay there. We could watch the sky and tell each other stories,looking at the stars we tried drawing patterns and wrote words with them.Sadly the moon could start dimming out and we could sing some rhymes in the name of persuasion so that it stays bright forever. This moments taught me the beauty of the moon that compels me to look in the sky everynight.

Monday, 24 October 2016


                THANK YOU FRIENDS
Meeting strangers is a challenge,
You find it so hard to even say hi,
It takes a lot of time and courage,
To mingle and open up for friendship.
How hospitable is the stranger?

It took me sometime to know you,
Mingle with you and share
whatever experiences we could.
Opening up to this friendship
Gave a chance to know your greatness,
I felt I have known you many years back.

Not only did you bring out the best in me,
But also gave me a family full of love.
Some jokes were not funny,
some stories were boring and fictious,
But do you know what?
Everyone laughed at each joke
And gave attention to all the stories.
This was the beauty of the time we spend.

 In this era getting a second of someone's time is an honour,
Your time can never be quantified or given a specific value,
You left great joy in my life,
Moments i can never forget or get them back.
TCHAO!

             I wrote this poem during my last day of the Africa Youth Conference On Climate Change. I dedicate it to all the people that I have met in my life. Maybe I have never found it in me to say THANK you for being part of my life  but today I tell the whole world how grateful I am . You made my life unique and special in some way and wrote a part of my narrative. I LOVE YOU.
           Hahahah! Having your names become brands was an awesome thing....hope one day you will be a brand that can never be duplicated. The art came naturally though am not an artist.
Next time we meet don't pull my nose for doing these .

Sunday, 23 October 2016

                     THE BIRTH OF A MILLION THOUGHTS
              The fact that am not a first born or last born neither the only girl in my family has taught me so much. the biggest lesson of them all is being independent. I have learnt to do things in my own way and also I have been always ready to take up responsibilities that come my way. I grew up striving to be the best kid in my family so that i could get attention too, thus grew up very fast. "I called myself an overgrown baby." This was so because what I thought and what I did didn't match my young age.
       I could shy telling someone what was on my mind with the fear that they could change their perspective about me more so I was an introvert. I couldn't explain what was going on my mind or what I felt, all I could do was write it down on paper. After doing these I could feel so relaxed. At times I could have random thoughts in my mind over and over again-am a wild thinker. Instead of quarreling with someone, I quarrelled myself in the head and the grudge suddenly went away or at times I created a conversation with someone in my mind and tell them what I felt and when we meet all the things I planned to tell you vanished and I remained quite.
        This habit has ever since grown up to date that I have crazy thoughts and ideas in my head. At times I fear that i may turn into a day dreamer. I have these ideas flowing in my head as if am very perfect but I am not. I reprimand and counsel myself at times.
      Coming up with these blog was as a result of getting tired of papers and journals flying all over my place full of thoughts. I believed sharing them out will help someone somewhere. Maybe its what you have been through or will be through or even its what will begat their friends.
      At times we need space where we can feel free to see things from a human perspective without being judged,and this is the space. Feel free to share your experiences with me or even ask for ideas from me.
        It takes the smallest detail to make someone happy.